Tales From The Coffee House

2007-09-06T12:34:00.000-05:00

Sure, blame me and Bob for burning the house down just because we were using bottle rockets indoors. It was harmless fun. You and Jay were the ones playing with a propane tank, road flare, gorilla glue, pizza sauce, and plutonium while watching the Wizard of Oz, listening to the Dark Side of the Moon, and eating cheetos. The blueprints looked kind of cool but what were you trying to invent anyhow? Anyway, it wasn’t our fault that you put your concoction right where our rocket needed to land.

2007-09-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

"Um, we were playing with a smoke machine we found. Yeah, that's it. A Smoke Machine. And then we got a little hungry so we ate a bunch of Cheetos. We were about to watch Wizard Of Oz while listening to Dark Side Of The Moon to see if they match up, but then the house caught on fire. But then again, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you. It wouldn't have anything to do with the bottle rockets you were firing off in the living room, would it?"

2007-09-01T23:36:00.000-05:00

Yeah, but I had no idea that he was such an intellectual person. I learned so much about the matters of life though the human genome. It’s too bad that the room got fulled with so much smoke. By the way, what were you and Jay doing during all this?

2007-08-23T00:15:00.001-05:00

"Of course he had a lot to say. the silent ones always do. and how could he not have something to say about the ethics of Super Villains. it is a very interesting subject."

2007-03-19T00:57:00.001-05:00

No, for some reason those brownies make me hungry. And I don’t care if he stole a song I wrote, I got to meet Jay and Bob! I mean, before I got drunk and passed out, me and Bob had a long discussion. He may be called Silent but if you mention the ethics of super villains, he has a lot to say.

2007-03-19T00:47:00.000-05:00

"you did write a song, but you got drunk, passed out, and Afroman stole it. He just changed a few things before recording it. I wasn't even going to invite him, but when you heard that Jay and Bob were with him, you insisted that I invite him. By the way, I got that recipie for brownies that yoou wanted from them."

2007-03-19T00:43:00.001-05:00

Most of them actually work, even while I’m drunk. And Isn’t that what life is all about? And you have the same problem. Some of your plans fail because you are stoned. Remember... oh wait, you can’t, you were stoned. You could of built a mech, but you were high. You could of taken financial control of new York, but you got high. You could of made Ireland take over Britain, but you got high. But you got high, but you got high, but you got high. I could write a song! And you were supposed to travel to the moon with me but you got high while watching me get drunk.

2007-03-19T00:32:00.000-05:00

"That's your excuse for everything. The meddling kids and you got drunk. The time you could have gone to the moon? hung over and missed your flight. The time you almost stopped the Unabomber, got drunk. the time you almost destroyed half a planet using only a safty pin and a roll of duct tape? those meddeling kids. Why not just admit it. you have a problem. None of your plans work out as planned."

2007-03-19T00:30:00.001-05:00

In my defense I was planning to blow them all up. It would of worked if it wasn’t for the meddling kids, the fact that they never entered the facility, and the fact that I got drunk and pasted out.

2007-03-19T00:13:00.000-05:00

"I was not on American Idol. That was my clone. and if I remember correctly, you were the last one in the cloning lab before that. You told me that you locked the door behind you, yet he got out some how and showed up on that stupid show.

Besides. Could be worse. You're the only one I have ever scene turned down on Extreme makeover Home Edition. For some unknown reason they didn't believe you were blind, handi cap, and that you housed 100 orphans in your in there, especially when they went to where they were supposed to be and found a NUCLEAR REACTOR!"

2007-03-19T00:10:00.001-05:00

And I will continue to deny just like I deny that I have stock in oil and have a computer chip implied in almost half of congress! And like you deny my greatness as well as the fact that you were on episodes of American Idol.

2007-03-19T00:06:00.001-05:00

"ok, I may have been a bit stoned at the time, but that still doesn't change the fact that you had Gary Coleman working security for you!."

2007-03-19T00:05:00.001-05:00

Yeah, a secret verson that said Mortal Kombat on the CD. And you were partly high at the time, I’m sure you misread that. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

2007-03-18T23:52:00.000-05:00

"No, it was Tekken. It was a, umm, top secret version that guess stared Scorpion and Subzero and included Fatalities. And if he was just there for Coffee, then why was there a name plague on the front desk that said Gary Coleman, Head of Security?"

2007-03-18T23:50:00.001-05:00

He was there for coffee! And you didn’t kick my butt it Tekken. You could never beat me in Tekken. You just put a Mortal Kombat game inside a Tekken case and kicked my butt in Mortal Kombat. You forget that I was once the King of Iron Fists, before my little brother beat me. Little Brother……. I will have my revenge……

2007-03-18T23:42:00.000-05:00

"That was pretty funny, but I seem to recall a time when I was at one of your basses to kick your but at Tekken 5, which I did, and seeing Gary Coleman behind the front desk."

2007-03-18T23:30:00.001-05:00

For the last time, I didn’t hire him for my security. I’m just the one who got him the security job at that mall. Luckily the press left that out. I just did it because I thought that it would be funny.

2007-03-18T23:24:00.000-05:00

"Yeah, I prefere the classics. But atleast now you know what the secret was." The man in the fedora said, laughing. He took another drink of his coffee. "And atleast I didn't hire Gary Coleman for my security. I got people who accually couold see over the top of the desk to see the camera moniters."

2007-03-18T23:23:00.001-05:00

Coke mixes well with … with socializing. Plus you kept bragging about your security saying I could never sneak in you base. I keep telling you. Train you henchmen to treat every camera malfunction as an base breach. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t know that your coke was the original recipe and I had to take a drug test the next day. Now I can’t even go to Utah anymore.

2007-03-18T23:09:00.000-05:00

"Don't worry, that was just in Utah, remember. And I wouldn't have had to do that if you had just stayed away from my secret base. I still can't believe you got in there, and why? To steal my secret plans? To sabatage my latest project? To try and kill me? no. YOu broke into my secret base, past all my security, to get a can of Coke. you don't even like Coke. You like Pepsi!"

2007-03-18T23:08:00.001-05:00

“No. All that was true but we still dated for a few more months and we still keep in touch. The only people that have a restraining order on me is my little sister, that girl from South Dakota I dated, and… oh yeah, you. On that note.” That man with the long hair and trench coat pulls his chair an inch further away from the man with the fedora. “There, that should do it.”

2007-03-18T22:58:00.000-05:00

"Yeah, I remember you telling me about that date. Wasn't she the one who you took to Burger king, made her pay for her food, got mad at when she said that Batman was a sissy, got into a food fight with, which lead to one with the manager, which lead to you being banned from all Burger Kings in that state? Doesn't she have a restraining order against you now or something?"

2007-03-18T22:50:00.001-05:00

Stop calling me a drunk! I’m a social drinker. I was just socializing before a hearing. And I wasn’t hitting on her. I was hitting on the female bailiff. I didn’t know she was a bailiff, who ever heard of a female bailiff? And I was drunk, I mean socializing. Plus I did get a date later. But Lucas, I’ll still get my revenge!

2007-03-18T22:37:00.000-05:00

"How do you think I made it throught he Prequels. I had my GBA on the whole time. And you didn't lose the case because of the Gameboy. You lost it because you showed up drunk and were hitting on the judge. I'm just glad she had a sense of humor or else she would have thrown you in jail."

2007-03-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

Copy of Sin City, ouch! I guess you’re right. But I don’t think the court system is all that bad, not if you have a game boy. That’s what I used while I was suing George Lucas for making episode 1. The Game Boy kept me entertained throughout the proceedings. Well, it did make me lose the case though, and I got fined for interpreting the court room with the game.

2007-03-18T22:24:00.000-05:00

"Ok, so I got a bit carried away, but I had to go with explosives. you know how much I hate lawyers. it was either destroy everything or sit in a court room during a coywrite infingment lawsuit until I went mad and killed everyone before taking out my lawyer using rusty pliers, a garden hose, and a copy of Sin City."

2007-03-18T22:22:00.001-05:00

Just most? What good Vam Damn movies are there? They were making one with a good story but you destroyed all the sets because you though they copied one of your own stories. Other than that, his movies are the worst.

An you could have just sued then over copy rights but no, had to go with explosives. I’m a pyro too, but you killed the director and the producer. I can understand the producer, but the director?

2007-03-18T22:11:00.000-05:00

"That is pretty bad, but I heard that the General forced them to watch "To Wong Fu" before he gave them the candy. I can't think of anything more evil. And besides, not all Van Damn movies are bad, just most of them."

2007-03-18T21:46:00.001-05:00

My brother forced a whole orphanage watch the Jean Claude Van Damn movies just to hear them cry. Now that’s evil. And that general gave the kids candy before burning then to death, he wasn’t completely evil. We could of saved the day but you wanted to see the larges ball of string in India and we were late. And the ball of string wasn’t that big, a cat was playing with it.

2007-03-18T21:37:00.001-05:00

"He couldn't be that bad. after all, that guy burned an orphanage just to watch it burn. How could your brother be worse then that."

2007-03-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

Of course, I have a dread fear of my eldest brother. I’ve come to terms with that. Plus what about your older brother. You have to change your storage facilities’ location once a month because of your brother. If you knew what it was capable of you would be afraid as well. Remember what that general we met while trying to sell cows in India. My eldest brother is worse.

2007-03-18T21:20:00.000-05:00

"Which is why I built one in Utah. No one will think to look there, except your brother obvioulsy. And only one of them was an empyt warehouse. the other one was an empty office building that he had been using before abandoning it.

Besides, I'm still doing better then you. You haven't raken any from him, but he took four of yours if I remember right."

2007-02-21T22:17:00.001-06:00

Walking into a abandoned warehouse and declaring it my brother’s base does not count as taking over my brother’s bases, so you only took 1. He still gots you by 2. And come on, who owns a secret base in Utah? You can’t do anything in Utah.

2007-02-21T22:02:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah. He's cool. After all, I took 3 of his bases, so it was only fair that he take a few of mine. By the way, could you aks him if he ever found what was causing the smell in the Utah base? I tore that thing apart looking for it, but never found anything. Smelt like something died in research lab 7."

2007-02-21T21:53:00.000-06:00

“the one with the space weapon platform, the Japanese/Korean task force, mutant rabbit army, took 3 of you older bases, 2 of mine, and 6 from Steve, you know, my brother who sells cars and took us to Cuba for Thanksgiving.”

2007-02-21T21:45:00.000-06:00

"Which one? The one in Montana, the one in Florida, or the one in the Bahamas? doesn't really matter, because he won't beable to get me at any of them. He might as well go back to trying to take you out."

The man in the fedora took a drink of coffe before looking at the other man. "Wait, which brother?"

2007-02-21T21:22:00.001-06:00

The man with the long hair shook, “yeah, don’t remind me. My brother tried that on me and I talked like I was an auctioneer. On a separate note, my Brother might, just might, know where you’re secret hidden lair is.”

2007-02-21T21:13:00.000-06:00

"I figured I wouldn't have to tell you about that one. It's just wrong for a guy to do that to another guy. And if you want to try a really fun one, strap them to a chair and make them watch The View. I've accually had guys begging for death rather then watch it. Oprah and Dr Phil work too."

2007-02-21T21:06:00.001-06:00

“I just wanted to see it for myself. Seeing a person die was pretty die because of pokamon was pretty funny you have to admit. And I already knew the information that time, I just like to ask anyway. No sense in ruining a good torture. I did this a few times just to study the effect. I even did it with Zach Bell and that just makes them cry. Once (while I was parctally drunk) I was about to try that new torture that was in the newest James Bond movie but one, that’s just gross, and two, apparently its against the code of the evil villains. You’re suppose to tell me these things, I no longer get the newsletter because I switched addresses.

2007-02-21T20:44:00.000-06:00

"I never said it wouldn't work. I said that threatening to pee on someone would work better. And I was right about the about the Pokemon Torture. I told you that they wouldn't talk, but did you believe me? NNNooo. You just put in the DVD and hit play. Did any one talk? no, it just made them go into seizures and die. Next time jsut make them watch some stupid Anume that doesn't kill people, something like Zatch Bell."

2007-02-21T20:39:00.000-06:00

“And it still worked, I still took over France, that was my plan. My brother said it wouldn’t work, but it did. He was right about China. Apparently they don’t like you throwing up on the desks. On a separate note, you’re wrong about the water torture. It is quite affective.”

2007-02-21T20:22:00.001-06:00

"Hate to burst your bubble, but you didn't take over france while drunk using peanut butter. You walked in, threw up on the desk, and passed out. You didn't even say yu were taking over. You were rambling on about TPS reports. They were willing to clean up the mess, but were to afraid to go near you incase you threw up again, so they just left and let you take over."

2006-10-17T22:06:00.000-05:00

Dude, I took over France so many times I lost count. Now all I have to do is buy the tickets online and they declared me their leader. I took it over with peanut butter while I was drunk.

2006-10-17T21:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I was wrong about the contry. I may have been a bit stoned at the time. But that still doesn't change anything. It was your nephew who took over, not you.

Besides, that's not as impresive as the time I took over France with Humming Bird feather and a wet noodle! The french army was all "OOOO. He's got a very small feather and a wet noodle! Run Away!

How else do you think I got all those french guns in my armory. I just called my zombies in after they ran away.

2006-10-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

That was Spain. Just because it was below Great Brittan doesn’t mean it’s France. And how was I suppose to know that the Spanish knew everything about zombies? And for the record, I don’t need zombies to take over France. I sent my nephew over there to take it over and that worked. And he was only ten! Months! He’s a world dominating genus but even so, he ten months!

2006-10-17T21:32:00.000-05:00

"Of course they can't. The mutating is what makes them into an uncontrolable flesh eating army. Whether by a serum, virus, or radioactivity, they become worse then a room full of fat ladies at a donute factory. With Magic, you don't have to worry about that. you can controll them.

With magic, all you have to worry about is Salt. They get a taste of Sodium Iadine and they mutate into brain starved monsters that can only be killed with a shot to the head.

If you don't believe me that Magic Zombies are better, remember that time I took over France? I could control my army. They didn't run off and start eating brains. When you tried it, all they wanted to do was eat people. That was the only time I've ever seen someone not take over France.

How do you not take over France! Their a bunch of Surender Monkeys!"

2006-10-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

“That is so not true! … tasty … Science is that only way to go! Witch doctors can only bring back the already dead. Science can spread it to other. Also their genetics can mutate. Can magic zombies mutate? I think not.”

2006-10-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

"I've been meaning to ask you about that T-Virus. Why are you trying to create an army of zombies with science? You know as well as I do that they always go on a flesh eating rampage, killing and eating everything in site. You need to ask that witch doctor friend of yours for help and do it the old fasioned way. I'm sure that she knows how to make zombies. take the magic route and they will be completely loyal to you, as long as you don't give them salt."

2006-10-17T21:14:00.000-05:00

“Hey, In their defense, it is a well known fact that the deadliest cannibals in the world today come from Chicago. That’s also where the deadliest puppets come from but that’s another topic. Remember the when we went to Chicago two weeks ago? Those cooks didn’t actually want you to test the water by getting in. They were trying to eat you. I would of said something but I suddenly started wondering what you would taste like. Must have been that T-virus…. Itchy…” man with the long hair slaps himself.

2006-10-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

"That was pretty good, but not as good as the time I got the cops to think you were that cannibal from Chicago. I still can't believe they asked you to cough up someone they could ID."

2006-10-12T12:57:00.000-05:00

“Really? I thought it tasted a bit veronicaish. Well if I start chanting ‘itchy, tasty’ you can go to my car to grab my sawed-off shotgun. That is why I saved those shotgun shells. And I got that ‘someone back’ when I dropped you off at the republican part convention wearing a turban. It was funny until they dragged you off into the pit of despair. It took me two weeks to get you out and then a month to find a miracle man. I ended up using an old man named Jeb but then I realized that I brought out the wrong body. That was a hold three months wasted but at least I had a good laugh and I wasn’t he one who died.”

2006-10-11T21:48:00.000-05:00

"I gave you back that sample, remmeber? You though it was a shot of Whiskey and drank it.

And atleast you still had your cloths this time. Remember the time before that, when I...I mean someone left you naked on the Great Wall Of China? I thought we would never get you out of the country after that."

2006-10-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

“How an I suppose to know. You gave me a frog. I got hit by a bus and I woke in Egypt somewhere with out my wallet. I can‘t keep track of you animals. Plus you never returned my t-virus sample. So I guess we‘re even.”

2006-10-11T20:59:00.000-05:00

"I never said he was a Witch Doctor. you just assumed that he did. Just because he was able to summon that army of Zombies doesn't mean he is a witch doctor. He could be a VooDoo priest.

Just out of curiousity, what did you do with those frogs? I found out the other day that it means bad news if they are released into the wild anywhere except a very small island in Lake Titicaca."

2006-10-11T20:54:00.000-05:00

“Na. He’s not a real witch doctor. It’s just not the same thing. Plus when I go to the doc in Zimbabwe I can say ‘Zimbabwe!!’. Also the incense that she has makes me feel all good inside. Sort of like the frogs you got me only I don’t get hit by a bus. I think I prefer alcohol. Get hit by less busses.”

2006-10-11T20:41:00.000-05:00

"ok, I will, but I told you that you should have gone to my guy. Best Doctor there is. Here's he's card. Dr. Demento. Wierd Al goes to him too. He could have gotten it down to only abouot 10 knives and it would have cost less for the plane tickets."

2006-10-11T20:31:00.000-05:00

“Oh, you mean Betty Knotch, I always thought she had a weird name. If you see her, tell her my legs a whole lot better. Instead of it feeling like it is on fire and being poked by a thousand knives per second, it now just feels like a hundred knives per second. That snake venom really worked”

2006-10-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

"It was a little ackward at first. Turns out saying Zimbabwe isn't a greeting there. everyone just looked at us wierd and sad "yes, you are in Zimbabwe.""

"Other then that it went fine, until the incident with the Witch Doctor. He says hi by the way, and asked how your leg felt."

2006-10-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

“I can neither confirm nor deny that I know or have in the past known about the Light House’s plans to take over the world using space-alien-cyborg technology to dominate the world or that the Light House has any plans to take over the world in general.” Man in the trench coat takes a runs out of breath and takes a deep sigh and looks around the coffee house, “Not the change the subject, but how was you and your brothers trip to Zimbabwe?”

2006-10-11T19:47:00.000-05:00

"I tired, but it keeps coming back. I went to the Mayo Clinic, and they are working on it, but until then they recommended covering them in lingonberries."

The man in the Fedora took a sip of his coffee and thought for a moment.

"What are those guys up to anyways. Last I heard it involved taking over the world with a giant "laser" but when everyone found out that it was just a big glow stick they kind of fell off the radar for a while."

2006-10-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

"No, Wolf 358. Wolf 259 are were the people from what light house group are from." Man in with the long hair starts to think. "Who are those guy in charge of again? Anyway, I'm sorry but you're the only one who carries Lutifish everywhere you go. I admit it helped when we went to the Congo, but seriously man, it stinks get rid of it."

2006-10-11T19:33:00.000-05:00

"Accually there is an easy way to get rid of a Minnasotan. Check the back of their neck. If they have a red spot, insault the Twins. If they have a purple spot, insult the Vikings. If thye have a green spot, they are just a freeloader from Wisconsin. Just offer them Lutifisk. Wisconsinites hae a fatal allergy to the stuff, due to the fact that they arn't Scandinavian, but are in fact from an alien planet in orbit around Wolf 359."

2006-08-28T20:34:00.000-05:00

What's weird about Minnesota? What's not weird about Minnesota? Hotdish. Brownies. Long goodbyes. Mutant werewolves. I mean, you know how long a Minnesota goodbye is? I went to this one guy's house for a "salad" and I couldn't leave for another three months. And it gets worse, I have a Minnesota "guy on the couch" living in my house now. Those guy will never leave. I mean REALLY never leave.

2006-08-23T21:55:00.000-05:00

"I never said I needed to remove it. I just did it because the doctor said I couldn't do it by my self. And there was no way that those guys were the best doctors int he world. They said that I almost bled to death because I lost four liters, but everyone knows that the human body has thirty liters of blood.

It was worth it though to see the look on their faces when they found out that I had replaced most of my blood with cafine."

The man in the fedora took a sip of coffee, then thought for a moment.

"Wait a second. What's so wierd about Minnesota?"

2006-08-23T21:41:00.000-05:00

Hey!! I can quit anytime I want! And maybe I wanted to start all those wars! And you almost bleed to death when you took out your own appendix. I had to rush you to that weird state of Minnysa..... Mensota.... Minnesota so the best doctors in the world could help you. And your doctor said you didn't even need to remove your appendix. It was a perfectly good organ at the time.

2006-08-23T21:40:00.000-05:00

You've almost started just as many wars because you were drunk as I have because I was stoned. At least I ended a few wars while stoned. At least I think I did. Like I said, I was stoned.

Besides. you can't believe everything doctors say. They said I couldn't take out my own apendix, but I proved them wrong.

2006-08-23T21:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, again you were stoned and almost started a war. I'm begging to believe what those anti-drug commercials are saying; if you do drugs, you could hurt your friends with foreigners and almost start wars. Maybe you should lay off the stuff.

2006-08-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

It's a hobby. And lets face it, the best hobbies allow you to improve yourself. I get to learn about history, about different cultures, and then I get to mock people with that information. It's tons of fun. you should try it!

Personaly I am suprised that they got the jokes. I thought I messed up while telling them, but I was stoned at the time, so maybe they took that into account.

2006-08-23T20:57:00.000-05:00

And that's why I don't trust Spanairds. Plus I've known too many Spaniards. Well, like I said, this time it'll be different, I'm not bring you with! You're the one who started hitting me with a burrito! And they won't have given me those peppers if you hadn't made all those Franco jokes. Why do you always offend people with their past dictators? How could you possibly get kicks out of that?

2006-08-23T19:53:00.000-05:00

accually it's his clone. The real one died a few years back, but I will ask him.

But why are you going to Spain? Don't you remember what happened last time you were there? They tricked you into eating one of those El Muy Hotto peppers and ran you out of the country while threatening to beat you to death with a burrito.

2006-08-23T19:49:00.000-05:00

You've got Q working for you?! I always wondered where you got those wonderful toys. Well if he could find out soon, I would like to take the James Bond car for a raid on Spain. This time they won't be so lucky.

2006-08-23T19:37:00.000-05:00

I know he isn't dead. He's working for me. Where did you think I got all those wonderful toys.

and I think they discontinued those after someone got hurt, but I can ask Q if he knows where to get more.

2006-04-25T19:35:00.000-05:00

“I didn’t say he didn’t used to have all those things, I just thought that Q would have taken them back by now. And don’t say “Q’s dead.” Q can’t die. Q alive and no one could prove me wrong!! The news just said he died so he could retire!

Anyway, I still have that spy car I stole from Connery, but I’m out of rockets for the headlight rocket launcher. Do you know where I could buy some more?”

2006-04-25T19:15:00.000-05:00

"Your just jelous because he knew my name. But it was worth it. I told you he had all that cool stuff, but did you believe me? Nnnooo. James Bond is just a movie you said. But I proved you wrong! He DID! have the cars and the jet pack and everything else from the movies. He IS james Bond!"

2006-04-25T19:11:00.000-05:00

“Sean Connery had a super sub, and that was only a movie. The real Sean Connery only has that super space shuttle. Which we wouldn’t have known about it we hadn’t snuck in his secret underground lair. I told you he must have had something down there.”

2006-04-25T18:57:00.000-05:00

"But they were cheap! Do you know how much a used nuclear sub from the US coss! It's highway robbery! I've seen small cars that were les expensive!

Besides. If it was good enough for Sean Connery, it's good enough for me."

2006-04-25T18:50:00.000-05:00

“You have no idea how much damage a German can do with an AK-47! I had to pull them out. As for that nuclear sub, as I recall it leaked and we almost drowned. I told you not to buy those things for the Russians.”

2006-04-25T18:41:00.000-05:00

"They wouldn't have needed the RPGs if you hadn't pulled out that AK-47. Your just lucky I had that nuclear sub docked near by."

2006-04-25T18:39:00.000-05:00

“Continually beating the Frenchmen over the head doesn’t count as winning. And of course they would take the bet, the pride of there countries were on the line. I just didn’t think they would take it as far as use RPGs.”

2006-04-25T14:16:00.000-05:00

"I kept doing the Hitler impersonation because they asked me to. Every time I did it, they said "Hail". Or was it "Halt". I couldn't tell with their accents.

Doesn't realy matter. We won the football game, and that is what matters, although I didn't think they would accualy carry out the bet."

2006-04-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

“Yeah! Bragging for three hours about how we had better fighter airplanes well covered!! I like Mustangs just as much as the next guy, but you shouldn’t mention these things to Germans. And I still don’t know why you kept doing you Hitler impersonation.”

2006-04-04T22:09:00.001-05:00

"they don't mind it if you don't talk about the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I covered quite nicely."

2006-04-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

"One clue might have been when he said, “And I’m from Brookly,” when he introduced himself, but you were too busy showing the German your WW2 weapon gallery. Well here is something you might want to no: not all Germans like to talk about WW2!!!”

2006-04-04T21:52:00.000-05:00

"In my defense, I figured the German guy could take a 2X4 to the head. Either he would be tough enough, or he would he drunk. Either way it would have been fun!

As for the French guy, I figured he would run away like a little girl, like all Frenchmen do! How was I suppose to know that he was raised in Brooklyn."

2006-04-04T21:49:00.000-05:00

“Not that time! That was in Sweden. No way could that have started World War 3. I was talking about the incident with the German and French ambassadors. The whole thing wouldn’t have started if you hadn’t insisted on starting a game of tackle football that involved wooden two-by-fours.”

2006-04-04T21:41:00.000-05:00

"You did not. Some guy named Angus did, using Duct Tape and a Swiss Army Knife. You almost choked on the gum, made a sandwhich, and watched."

2006-04-04T20:06:00.000-05:00

“Hey! I managed to prevent World War 3 with the peanut butter I carried in my pocket! Well… that and chewing gum.”

2006-04-03T21:05:00.000-05:00

The man in the fedora reaches into his back pack. He takes out a jar of grape jelly and places it on the table.

"of course not. Only an insane person would carry around a jar of peanut butter with them."

2006-04-03T20:55:00.000-05:00

The man with the long hair took out a jar of peanut butter from the inside of his trench coat and said,

“You mean to tell me that you don’t carry peanut butter with you wherever you go?”

2006-04-03T20:41:00.000-05:00

The only reason the quirrels attacked is because you had that jar of Peanut Butter in your pocket. I told you to leave it in your hotel room, but did you listen!? ...Wait. Why did you have peanut butter in your pocket?

2006-02-28T22:18:00.000-06:00

“Yeah, we could have really used Emeril at the bar but nooooooo, he had to go film a show and we had to fight those killer squirrels all by ourselves.”

2006-02-28T22:08:00.000-06:00

"Yeah, that was a fun trip. To bad about that incident at the bar."

2006-02-28T21:45:00.000-06:00

“I always knew he knew how to use a knife but I never expected him take down all those kung fu mobsters while the three of us were in India.”

2006-02-28T20:58:00.000-06:00

"And you thought I was kidding when I was talking about the disco ninja dojo. That "BAM!" thing he does is him using his Funkey Ninja Powers!™ Why else would he say "Kickit up a notch!" all the time if he weren't a ninja?"

2006-02-28T20:43:00.000-06:00

“Hey, that reminds me, Thank you for introducing me to Emeril. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have went to that disco ninja dojo in Japan and then I wouldn’t have gotten my funky ninja powers.”

2006-02-28T20:14:00.000-06:00

"That's true. I've seen him throw, but you have Funky Ninja Powers!™ That should counter the gernades."

2006-02-20T22:00:00.000-06:00

“Well for one thing I was using my claymore instead of my katana. Unlike the ninja clan where you came from we don’t use claymores. And it’s hard even for a ninja to do more damage than grenades do. Especially when my brother is using them.”

2006-02-20T21:56:00.000-06:00

"Of course you did better with your sword. Your a freakin Ninja! You got all sorts of funky ninja powers!. How could you not do better then someone using a gun."

2006-02-20T21:53:00.000-06:00

“I’m sure you wouldn’t like the end result anyway. And Swords can be deadlier than guns sometimes. Last time my brother and I fought the mob in Chicago I did more damage with my claymore than he did with his assault rifle, revolver, and grenades. Beware of the Lion swordsman.”

2006-02-20T21:27:00.000-06:00

"Dude. Your talking southern Africa. The lions in the zer were from norther africa. They don't have guns up there. A few swords maybe, but no guns."