“Yeah, we could have really used Emeril at the bar but nooooooo, he had to go film a show and we had to fight those killer squirrels all by ourselves.”

"Yeah, that was a fun trip. To bad about that incident at the bar."

“I always knew he knew how to use a knife but I never expected him take down all those kung fu mobsters while the three of us were in India.”

"And you thought I was kidding when I was talking about the disco ninja dojo. That "BAM!" thing he does is him using his Funkey Ninja Powers!™ Why else would he say "Kickit up a notch!" all the time if he weren't a ninja?"

“Hey, that reminds me, Thank you for introducing me to Emeril. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have went to that disco ninja dojo in Japan and then I wouldn’t have gotten my funky ninja powers.”

"That's true. I've seen him throw, but you have Funky Ninja Powers!™ That should counter the gernades."

“Well for one thing I was using my claymore instead of my katana. Unlike the ninja clan where you came from we don’t use claymores. And it’s hard even for a ninja to do more damage than grenades do. Especially when my brother is using them.”

"Of course you did better with your sword. Your a freakin Ninja! You got all sorts of funky ninja powers!. How could you not do better then someone using a gun."

“I’m sure you wouldn’t like the end result anyway. And Swords can be deadlier than guns sometimes. Last time my brother and I fought the mob in Chicago I did more damage with my claymore than he did with his assault rifle, revolver, and grenades. Beware of the Lion swordsman.”

"Dude. Your talking southern Africa. The lions in the zer were from norther africa. They don't have guns up there. A few swords maybe, but no guns."

“That’s not true! When I went out on a safari those lions had a whole arsenal of weaponry and guns. It was like a whole 80’s action movie down there. Except for the fact that I got shot.”

"You mean the lions were going to grab a shot gun and try to shoot me? I don't hink so. Lions don't have opposable thumbs. They can't use shotguns."

“Remember when you tried to feed a polar bear? The same thing.”

"Yes they would have. I mean, what's the worse that could happen?"

“They wouldn’t have seemed do cool if I hadn’t stopped you from trying to pet them.”

"It would have worked, if you had remembered the Super Glue. Atleast the trip wasn't a total waste. The zoo was cool, especialy the lions."

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that, But was that really my fault. They were the once who didn’t have enough road to get to eighty-eight miles per hour.” The man in the trench coat pauses to think, “Wait, that can’t be why I’m not allowed in Pennsylvania, I went back in time before I destroyed the Bell and stopped myself. It almost caused a time paradox, but it worked better than when you tried to fix it with Elmer’s glue.”

"No, you arn't allowed in Pennsylvania because of what you did to the Liberty Bell. I told you to leave that Delorian we found alone, but you had to see how fast it would go."

“Not my fault she was old. But I guess that’s why I’m not allowed in Britain and Pennsylvanian again.” The man sighs.

"HEY! I was stoned. there's a differance. And at least I didn't nearly cause an international incident. The queen almost had a heart attack! You almost ruined relations between the US and England!"

“Oh and like you’re all that better! Remember when you got drunk in China and you were running down the street naked yelling ‘Yen Yan Yun! Yen Yan Yun! Yen Yan Yun!!’”

"It wasn't the worst move you've ever made. Remember when we were in London and you got drunk and mooned the Queen? And then you passed out in the Tower of London?"

“I had the evidence, but I pawned it off to get another claymore sword. I thought it would be better to have an eighth claymore instead of something I could of used as a black mail against you if I ever needed too.” The man in the trench coat laughed for a moment then stopped and started to think. He lowered his head. “Crap, that wasn’t the best move was it?”

"I told you not to get Guinness. And there is no proof that I was involved in those other incidents."

“Oh and like you never caused something to happen and it killed thousands of people. And it would have worked the other time if you didn’t drink all the beer.”

"Yeah, a conflict that killed 3000 people. We're just lucky they found a vodka factory and passed out. when they came too they didn't remember a thing. too bad that didn't work that other time."

“Almost start another war!” the trench coat man replied defending himself, “It was officially called a conflict! And that insurance deal was too good to be true. As for shooting you in the foot…. Well that was my fault.”

The Man in the fadora pointed at his friend. "Hey! You can't complain abouthaving to drag me across the border. Your the one who shot me in the foot. You had to wave your gun around saying "Look at me. I have a Russian machine gun." and then then next thing you know you shot me. We could have gotten out of thert just fine and we could have saved alot of money on car inssurance, but nnnooo. You had to try and start another war."

“Well I still was the first one to act, and I had to drag you across the border while they where shooting at us.”

"Wait a second. are you talking about the same ray gun you used agaisnt that tank? Al it did was write "El Barto was here" on the side. I could have done that with a can of Spray Paint!"

“Well I know I can’t blame you for getting us out of that Russian situation. It was a good thing I was carrying my metal manipulation ray gun with me.”

"In my dad's defense, he can't speak russian either. Some guy named Putin said that the sign said "I am American actor Tom Cruise." I just figured they were looking at you like that because they kew that Tom Cruise is a bad actor."

“So that was what that sign said. I always wondered that…. Wait a second! Your father gave that sign to me! He told me to wave it around the city and I would attract Russian chicks! No wonder all those women looked mad. I just thought that’s how they were.”

"It's not my fault I can't speek Russian. I'm just glad that I didn't ask one of them out on a date." the man in the fedora said, shuddering in fear. "Besides, they wouldn't have been there in the first place if you hadn't insisted on standing in the middle of Mosscow with a big sign that said "Russian women are ugly.""

“What do you mean!” the man with the long hair starts to raise his voice, “Of course I can blame that on you! YOU were the one that said, ‘Hey, start shooting at us.’! I still don’t know why you said that.”

"You always blame everything on me. Remember that time in Russia? There is no way you can blame that on me."

“Well they didn’t have to listen to me! I’m going to keep blaming them and you!”

"Your the one who dared the m to find some. they were willing to quit, but you had to keep talking."

“Well I thought the fact that there WERE NO WEAPONS would be a dead give away but NOOOO! They had to continue to keep looking.”

"I still can't believe they thought I was serious. I figured the uncontrolable laughter would be a dead give away."

“I was funny for you! You had to tell them I had a weapon in my butt didn’t you! I prefer the Dun beetles because something actually did get into YOUR butt.”

"I was thinking about the dung beetles, but the time we got arrested was pretty funny."

The man with the long hair replied, “The time we got arrested there, the time I got shot, or the time we were attacked by killer dun beetles?”

Two men are sitting in a coffee shop drinking lattes. One is wearing a trench coat and has long hair. The other is wearing a flannel shirt and a fedora. After a few minutes, the one in the fedora puts down his cup.

"Remember that time we went to new York?"