Dude, I took over France so many times I lost count. Now all I have to do is buy the tickets online and they declared me their leader. I took it over with peanut butter while I was drunk.

Ok, so I was wrong about the contry. I may have been a bit stoned at the time. But that still doesn't change anything. It was your nephew who took over, not you.

Besides, that's not as impresive as the time I took over France with Humming Bird feather and a wet noodle! The french army was all "OOOO. He's got a very small feather and a wet noodle! Run Away!

How else do you think I got all those french guns in my armory. I just called my zombies in after they ran away.

That was Spain. Just because it was below Great Brittan doesn’t mean it’s France. And how was I suppose to know that the Spanish knew everything about zombies? And for the record, I don’t need zombies to take over France. I sent my nephew over there to take it over and that worked. And he was only ten! Months! He’s a world dominating genus but even so, he ten months!

"Of course they can't. The mutating is what makes them into an uncontrolable flesh eating army. Whether by a serum, virus, or radioactivity, they become worse then a room full of fat ladies at a donute factory. With Magic, you don't have to worry about that. you can controll them.

With magic, all you have to worry about is Salt. They get a taste of Sodium Iadine and they mutate into brain starved monsters that can only be killed with a shot to the head.

If you don't believe me that Magic Zombies are better, remember that time I took over France? I could control my army. They didn't run off and start eating brains. When you tried it, all they wanted to do was eat people. That was the only time I've ever seen someone not take over France.

How do you not take over France! Their a bunch of Surender Monkeys!"

“That is so not true! … tasty … Science is that only way to go! Witch doctors can only bring back the already dead. Science can spread it to other. Also their genetics can mutate. Can magic zombies mutate? I think not.”

"I've been meaning to ask you about that T-Virus. Why are you trying to create an army of zombies with science? You know as well as I do that they always go on a flesh eating rampage, killing and eating everything in site. You need to ask that witch doctor friend of yours for help and do it the old fasioned way. I'm sure that she knows how to make zombies. take the magic route and they will be completely loyal to you, as long as you don't give them salt."

“Hey, In their defense, it is a well known fact that the deadliest cannibals in the world today come from Chicago. That’s also where the deadliest puppets come from but that’s another topic. Remember the when we went to Chicago two weeks ago? Those cooks didn’t actually want you to test the water by getting in. They were trying to eat you. I would of said something but I suddenly started wondering what you would taste like. Must have been that T-virus…. Itchy…” man with the long hair slaps himself.

"That was pretty good, but not as good as the time I got the cops to think you were that cannibal from Chicago. I still can't believe they asked you to cough up someone they could ID."

“Really? I thought it tasted a bit veronicaish. Well if I start chanting ‘itchy, tasty’ you can go to my car to grab my sawed-off shotgun. That is why I saved those shotgun shells. And I got that ‘someone back’ when I dropped you off at the republican part convention wearing a turban. It was funny until they dragged you off into the pit of despair. It took me two weeks to get you out and then a month to find a miracle man. I ended up using an old man named Jeb but then I realized that I brought out the wrong body. That was a hold three months wasted but at least I had a good laugh and I wasn’t he one who died.”

"I gave you back that sample, remmeber? You though it was a shot of Whiskey and drank it.

And atleast you still had your cloths this time. Remember the time before that, when I...I mean someone left you naked on the Great Wall Of China? I thought we would never get you out of the country after that."

“How an I suppose to know. You gave me a frog. I got hit by a bus and I woke in Egypt somewhere with out my wallet. I can‘t keep track of you animals. Plus you never returned my t-virus sample. So I guess we‘re even.”

"I never said he was a Witch Doctor. you just assumed that he did. Just because he was able to summon that army of Zombies doesn't mean he is a witch doctor. He could be a VooDoo priest.

Just out of curiousity, what did you do with those frogs? I found out the other day that it means bad news if they are released into the wild anywhere except a very small island in Lake Titicaca."

“Na. He’s not a real witch doctor. It’s just not the same thing. Plus when I go to the doc in Zimbabwe I can say ‘Zimbabwe!!’. Also the incense that she has makes me feel all good inside. Sort of like the frogs you got me only I don’t get hit by a bus. I think I prefer alcohol. Get hit by less busses.”

"ok, I will, but I told you that you should have gone to my guy. Best Doctor there is. Here's he's card. Dr. Demento. Wierd Al goes to him too. He could have gotten it down to only abouot 10 knives and it would have cost less for the plane tickets."

“Oh, you mean Betty Knotch, I always thought she had a weird name. If you see her, tell her my legs a whole lot better. Instead of it feeling like it is on fire and being poked by a thousand knives per second, it now just feels like a hundred knives per second. That snake venom really worked”

"It was a little ackward at first. Turns out saying Zimbabwe isn't a greeting there. everyone just looked at us wierd and sad "yes, you are in Zimbabwe.""

"Other then that it went fine, until the incident with the Witch Doctor. He says hi by the way, and asked how your leg felt."

“I can neither confirm nor deny that I know or have in the past known about the Light House’s plans to take over the world using space-alien-cyborg technology to dominate the world or that the Light House has any plans to take over the world in general.” Man in the trench coat takes a runs out of breath and takes a deep sigh and looks around the coffee house, “Not the change the subject, but how was you and your brothers trip to Zimbabwe?”

"I tired, but it keeps coming back. I went to the Mayo Clinic, and they are working on it, but until then they recommended covering them in lingonberries."

The man in the Fedora took a sip of his coffee and thought for a moment.

"What are those guys up to anyways. Last I heard it involved taking over the world with a giant "laser" but when everyone found out that it was just a big glow stick they kind of fell off the radar for a while."

"No, Wolf 358. Wolf 259 are were the people from what light house group are from." Man in with the long hair starts to think. "Who are those guy in charge of again? Anyway, I'm sorry but you're the only one who carries Lutifish everywhere you go. I admit it helped when we went to the Congo, but seriously man, it stinks get rid of it."

"Accually there is an easy way to get rid of a Minnasotan. Check the back of their neck. If they have a red spot, insault the Twins. If they have a purple spot, insult the Vikings. If thye have a green spot, they are just a freeloader from Wisconsin. Just offer them Lutifisk. Wisconsinites hae a fatal allergy to the stuff, due to the fact that they arn't Scandinavian, but are in fact from an alien planet in orbit around Wolf 359."